There comes a time when
we all experience a defining
in our lives,
and this is yours.

What’s the one thing HOLDING YOU BACK?

What is the ONE DREAM you may have given up on?

Are you ready for the BREAKTHROUGH you have always wanted?

The Program

Immerse yourself in "My Defining," a program that distills over 35 years of Kathy Gray’s celebrated Graystone Leadership material into a 4-month transformative experience. Designed for a broad spectrum of companies and individuals, this program combines rigorous training with profound coaching to lead you through a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Under Kathy's seasoned guidance, peel back the layers that have shrouded your potential and step into a state of heightened presence and purposeful direction. Challenge the enduring patterns that have constrained you and lay the foundation for a vibrant future teeming with opportunity. "My Defining" is more than personal development—it is a rebirth of self, where the release from past limitations forges a path for a life defined by passion, purpose, and presence.

Each phase of "My Defining," from mastering the subtle art of listening to embracing the courageous act of self-responsibility, serves as a milestone on the road to mastery over oneself. As you journey through this program, you will not only gain lucid insight into your life's direction but will also cultivate the “Emotional Intelligence” essential for steering through the complex avenues of life. "My Defining" is not just an investment in time—it's the crafting of a legacy that embodies the wisdom and effectiveness of Graystone Leadership's time-tested principles.

You will walk away…

  • Pinpointing both the productive and unproductive ways in which you see the world
  • Identifying not only where you have been stuck, stopped or held back but...why, where and when
  • Feeling truly free from your past
  • Being fully present every day
  • Creating a powerful Vision for your Future

These four months could be the start of the rest of your life.

The Timeline

Embarking on this 4-month odyssey with "My Defining," you will engage in a series of virtual training sessions meticulously designed to fit within your unique pace of growth and understanding. Between these interactive sessions, your journey is punctuated with reflective assignments, insightful readings, and introspective journaling, ensuring the transformation is not only conceptual but also deeply personal and practical. As you progress, expect to adapt the pace to match the evolution of your insights and breakthroughs. Brace yourself for an intensive 2-day deep dive—a pivotal point that can be experienced virtually or face-to-face. There are layers of your life that will be peeled back and will allow you to own what has worked, not working and challenging in an entirely new way. This will allow for your transformation and prepare you for your true potential.


Introduction of Transformational Distinctions

  • Establish the Foundation of Results: Building and nurturing trust within yourself and with others. Understand the Context – Action – Results framework: How your thoughts influence your actions and create results, both productive and unproductive.
  • Distinguish between Change vs. Transformation: Learn to identify and pursue deep, sustainable personal growth in both of areas.
  • Embrace Blame vs. Self-Responsibility: Shift from assigning blame to taking ownership of your actions and their outcomes.
  • Explore Automatic Listening and Generously Listening: Develop the skill to listen not just for words or what you want to hear, but for the essence of what is actually being communicated.
  • Master the 4 Basic Elements of Trust/Rebuilding Trust: Learn the components that build trust and strategies to repair and strengthen it where needed.


Introduction to Emotional Intelligence

  • Complete the TalentSmart EQ 2.0 Assessment: Engage with this scientifically validated test, which measures your Emotional Intelligence and provides a comprehensive understanding of your EQ competencies.
  • Review and Reflect with Kathy: Kathy will assist in interpreting your EQ scores, providing personalized insights to identify and target key areas for emotional and interpersonal development.
  • Create a targeted list with Kathy for conducting Feedback Interviews in various areas of your life: personal, business, family, and friends. To gather insights on your strengths, areas for development, blind spots, and potential paths forward to inform your personal vision.
  • Utilize Kathy’s tailored questions and guidance to conduct the Interviews effectively and gather meaningful data from your inner circle.
  • Synthesize Themes from the Interviews with your EQ 2.0 results to begin sculpting an approach created by you to enhance your emotional intelligence.
  • Engage with the Graystone Visioning Materials to help crystallize your Theme and Vision for the upcoming year


Emotional Intelligence

  • Explore EQ vs. IQ with Daniel Goleman's Insights: Understand the distinct roles of emotional and intellectual intelligence in personal success and how the brain's function relates to EQ.
  • Study the '3 Circles' Concept by Robert Solomon: Delve into the biological, historical, and linguistic aspects that shape our emotions and behaviors.
  • Engage in the Complete the Past Exercise: Reflect on your life from birth to the present, identifying Defining Moments and their impact on your current self
  • Create a Personal Roadmap: Using insights from the '3 Circles' work, develop a strategy to become current with yourself and others, addressing unresolved situations and relationships. Learn what it means to “Get Current.”


Graystone’s 'Automatic Way of Relating' (AWR) - Playing to Win vs. Avoiding Losing

  • Discover Your AWR: Embark on a self-exploratory journey to uncover your 'Automatic Way of Relating,' understanding the unconscious patterns dictating your interactions
  • Insights from the 3 Circles: Leverage the insights gained from examining your biological, historical, and linguistic influences to comprehend the roots of your present-day triggers.
  • Be Present: Integrate this knowledge to anchor yourself firmly in the present, moving beyond the reactive patterns of the past.
  • Leave the Past Behind: Develop strategies and take deliberate actions to detach from past behaviors that no longer serve your current self.
  • Foster Present Connections: Commit to engaging in meaningful conversations, writing letters, or taking necessary steps to reconcile with and release the hold of those from your past who continue to trigger you. Commit to the concept of Playing to Win!


Crafting a Powerful Vision

  • Engage with Graystone Visioning: Delve into a structured process to design a compelling and actionable vision for your future.
  • Develop the Action Cycle: Outline a powerful cycle of actions that will transform your vision into reality
  • Construct the Implementation Plan: Craft a detailed plan that lays out the steps necessary to actualize your vision, ensuring each action is purposeful and aligned with your goals. This will include monthly commitments to begin to realize your Vision.


Ignition through Coaching

  • Schedule Coaching Sessions: Arrange three dedicated coaching sessions with Kathy to refine and energize your vision.
  • Personalized Vision Support: Receive tailored guidance to ensure your vision is clear, feasible, and ready for implementation.
  • Begin the Journey: With Kathy's expert coaching, start the proactive journey of bringing your vision to life, setting the stage for future success and fulfillment.

About Kathy

Kathy Gray stands at the forefront of leadership innovation, harnessing over three and a half decades of experience to guide individuals across diverse sectors to attain exceptional outcomes in their personal and professional lives. An esteemed leadership consultant, coach, and educator, Kathy excels in the art of unlocking potential and facilitating breakthrough results, both at an individual and corporate level. Her proficiency in building high-performance teams is complemented by her genuine ability to instill trust and cultivate lasting relationships, resulting in strong cultures of partnership, trust, collaboration and vision.

Kathy’s acumen extends to orchestrating total company transformations, where she applies her 35+ years of experience to revitalize company cultures, aligning them with values and practices that promote trust, collaboration, and partnership. This holistic approach has solidified her reputation as a catalyst for change in companies of all sizes.

A 2nd Degree Black Belt in Martial Arts, Kathy mirrors the principles of discipline and tenacity in her professional endeavors. She calls the scenic area near York Beach, Maine, her home, where alongside her twin pit bulls, she finds solace and energy in the rugged winters and serene beaches. Kathy’s personal pursuits in the great outdoors are a testament to her belief in balance and continuous personal growth, which she seamlessly integrates into her transformative work with individuals and companies alike

Breakthrough Moments


After working with Kathy, I became aware of how people felt around me, and how they felt about how I spoke to them. I was the person who came to a conversation knowing what I wanted. So I wasn’t a good listner and I kind of talked hard and aggressively and pushed through my agenda without listening. This work has made me slow down. It’s make me listen. As a boss, I am lighter and easier to talk to. So I have grown both personally and professionally, and my in my marriage. And with the kids, through I what I’ve leared with Kathy, I have a whole new outlook on parenthood. I have a whole new philosophy. My DNA is changed.

The best conversations in life are the ones you have and the worst ones are the ones that you don’t have. And Kathy has showed me how to start having them

I have been running my company for 25 years before I met Kathy. So, I’ve done pretty well for them and the shareholders and my family, but it just amazed me how wrong I was, and how much I’ve learned. I’ve been humbled so many times through my work with Graystone. I never yelled and I never used bad words, but I never knew that what I sais to someone might land on them in a negative way as it did. I have learned so much about what I wasn’t doing. And I am a much healthier, smarter leader than I ever was because of this, and much more open.


“I can honestly say that I have no idea how Kathy does it but she has the competence, the insight and the ability to change lives. Completely. Full stop. I have been witness to how she has changed the lives of my daughters in terms of careers, inner peace and personal relationships. Kathy is focused, committed and engaged. The process works, wounds are healed, patterns are broken and happier, fuller lives are now being lived.”


What an eye-opening outcome my family and I have had through Ms. Kathy and the Graystone Program. We are all in such a better place with each other and ourselves as individuals. Once we understood the pillars of Emotional Intelligence and how that impacts us individually and as a family, that was the breakthrough. I am so grateful and proud of my family to commit to do this. We all now have that trusted bond between us that will never go away. Thank you Ms. Kathy!


Before working with Kathy I felt very stuck and unable to move forward with my life as I was struggling with anxiety and had no sense of which direction I was supposed to head in. Kathy quickly became my North Star by taking extensive time to learn who I am at my core and teach me the outstanding tools at Defining Moment so that I could flourish with my own life. While working with Kathy, I learned an immense amount of info but most importantly I learned who I truly was, and it blew me away that I did not know that prior. Now my life is flourishing in all directions - relationships, work, family, health and well being, etc. I owe it all to Kathy. I will work with her for as long as she allows because their is endless amount to be learned from her knowledge. I have recommended her Defining Moment program to many others, and those who have listened to me have the same thought to share. Thank you Kathy!